A Reason for Love

This past year has been one of the most challenging periods of my life. I’ve found myself searching for answers, questioning my faith, and wondering where God is in all of this. But one thing I’ve realized is that healing doesn’t happen overnight, and sometimes the greatest growth happens in the quiet, difficult moments. It will be almost 2 years since the last time I made the time to write something down and I hope to be able to put something down that may be of worth to someone that may be going through hard times.

During my personal struggles, I’ve found myself asking, ‘Where is God in all of this?’ It’s a question that’s often uncomfortable, but one that’s led me to deeper understanding and growth in my faith. Here’s what I’ve learned about struggling with faith instead of against it.

We all stumble and we all have hardships that we deal with on a daily basis. Whether its a work issue, a family issue or a relationship. Needless to say that my battle was with a relationship. Specially the ones where you leave everything and everyone behind to focus all your energy on that one person. It will be nine months since I picked up and walked away from this relationship. It was hard to do so. I have known this person for a very long time. She is a practicing Christian and not to imply anything but it was part of the battle within me. This showed me that even though we are not perfect that we all stumble and fall short of His glory. This was part of the inner battle that was building up inside me. Through all this turmoil, my heart was always focused on God. To stick it through and trust that it is all in his hands.

I was and in a lot of ways I am still in pieces. There is a big hole inside me. I walked a way from the community that I was building at our church. I disappeared. In my own way I found the courage that through it all, I could not turn my face away from God. He will never turn his face away from me. I am thankful for everything He has provided and this is where the magic happens. We need to look around and see all the countless blessings that he gives us. All we need is just one reason. And I understand. It is hard but I understand.

So here I am, sharing my experience and putting it out into the ether. Broken but blessed. It is hard to understand but we cannot know his plan. Just one of the many who wrestle with God.

Genesis 32: 24-28

²⁴ So Jacob was left alone, and a man wrestled with him till daybreak. ²⁵ When the man saw that he could not overpower him, he touched the socket of Jacob’s hip so that his hip was wrenched as he wrestled with the man. ²⁶ Then the man said, “Let me go, for it is daybreak.”

But Jacob replied, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.”

²⁷ The man asked him, “What is your name?”

“Jacob,” he answered.

²⁸ Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel,^[a] because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

²⁹ Jacob said, “Please tell me your name.”

But he replied, “Why do you ask my name?” Then he blessed him there.

We all fight through the night, in our darkest hour. We will overcome and when day light breaks, we will be blessed.